I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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