Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just pee around me
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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