you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
