apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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