I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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