woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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