I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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