My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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