...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
