Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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