Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Damn victory sex feels great
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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