Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
