I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
