tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
