So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
