I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
