Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
