im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
