So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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