I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
