Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
