omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
