I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
