Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
