Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
