nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
