im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
