The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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