bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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