How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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