It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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