Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
