i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
