i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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