I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
