she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
