i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
