it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
