The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
