I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
