I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
