you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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