Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
