It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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