I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
