Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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