All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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