why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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