You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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