Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
