There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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