I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
