I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
