sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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