I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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