it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize
