I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Houston, we have a blender
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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