Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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